Irony abounds, so does the hurt

So the infuriating irony of this past month is that the very reasons I had started to learn about how to be the Observer, and why it's such a necessary aspect of living in the moment, of holding on to your inner stillness, all that new age type spiritual stuff that rolls so easily off the tongue but in reality is so fucking hard to achieve, I REALLY needed to learn to not only save my sanity but probably save my entire being after what has transpired the rest of this month.

But instead I royally fucked up my private tutoring by responding with my emotions and fears and needs, and trying to control the situation and being attached to the outcome--yep, all the real nasty sins when you are clawing up that spiritual ladder--so now I feel like I essentially stunted whatever the future would have taught me had I not pushed for answers when I needed them and they were not ready to be given.

It hurts like hell, and even though am trying to be compassionate, and not pissed at my needy and  exhausted and kinda fragile self, I can't even get my Detached Higher Self game on.

Today the topic at the Multicultural leadership seminar at the Museum of Tolerance was Emotional Intelligence.  Amazing stuff, truly brilliant and so necessary to learn.  One of the main points made was studies have shown that when you are reacting strongly and emotionally to something, once you name the emotion, you diffuse its power over you greatly.

Wish I would have known that a few weeks ago.